So... Yesterday, I posted on my Instagram something about disconnecting from work, didn't I?
It was my day off, and I wasn't exactly planning on going to a festival (the pic on the left is me at Pinkpop), but I wanted to enjoy myself, avoid staying home and not become one with my couch (as finely represented by my cat in the other pic).
Well, guess what happened...
Day off gone astray
I had planned to spend a couple of my weekdays off (I take 1 or 2 per week) to visit cities in the Netherlands for the first time. Since I moved here, I've seen quite a lot, but there's a lot of great towns I still haven't been.
Unfortunately, I fell into the well-known paradox of choice COULD NOT PICK ONE CITY. Then I thought, "well, I'll let it be and decide when I get up...".
But that's not something that works for me. I am terrible at deciding anything on the spot. Every single time I give myself time to think through and plan something, I end up happier and the thing works out better (EVEN when it goes different from the plan). In contrast, every time I "let it be", "go with the flow", I go with no flow at all. I just do nothing.
So, I slept later than usual, woke up way later than usual, and dragged all day... I didn't want to check social media, and yet I did. A lot. I didn't go out for a walk - and it was sunny! I can assure you that I spent half of the day in bed and the other on the couch. Nothing else.
What's the point?
I'm not sharing this to punish myself, as much as it may seem like. At the same time that I reflect on why I "wasted" a day, didn't go for a new experience and failed on disconnecting from work, I get it. I don't regret staying in, I don't condemn myself on not doing what I might have wanted to.
I'm working on being a lot more forgiving to myself. I'm understanding that there are days I'll say no to others, days I'll say no to myself. I'm realising that wishing some things for myself (like being able to rest and disconnect) is still a good thing, even if I don't follow through every single time.
I'm sharing this because I believe we should all be aware that nobody is doing so great as they might say they are. Nobody does anything 100%. I don't meditate every day. I don't write every day. I don't sleep well every day. I don't take care of myself every day. I'm not productive every day. I don't have a million reasons to be grateful every day. And that's okay. More than that, that's real life.
It's not about doing everything you planned for. It's about being aware and kind with what you end up doing and not doing. It's not about not breaking the chain of a habit, it's about breaking it, even constantly, and still coming back to it.
Let's see how my next day off goes.